5) Empowerment Comes Via Responsibility
Many people live completely dis-empowered lives because they haven’t taken full
responsibility for their lives. As mentioned previously, many individuals believe that
they are ‘victims’ of the circumstances that life throws them. Now, although bad
things do happen in life, we always have a choice as to how we act and respond to
Helping people to realize and accept this empowers them to develop an inner
resilience so that they no longer allow circumstances to ‘crush’ them but instead
push through to achieve the things they really want in life.
4) Everything is Achievable
If one person can do something, it’s possible to model it and teach it to others.
Therefore, everyone can learn to get better results in their own way. We all have
the ability to do all things, all of the time. The only thing that’s holding us back from
doing the things we really want to do in life, is the appropriate strategy.
Our role as life coaches is to help people realise and accept that there’s nothing
they can’t achieve in life. By eliciting the appropriate strategy, anything is
3) No One is Broken
No one is wrong or broken. No one is a victim. Many people believe that they are
and this limiting belief is what holds them back and prevents them from doing the
things they want to do in life. Our role as life coaches is to help people recognise
and accept just how ‘unbroken’ they actually are which means that there’s
potentially nothing that they can’t go on to achieve in life.
2) The Past Doesn’t Equal The Future
People are scared of failure and this is the primary reason why they don’t go on to
do the things they really want in life. In life we’re basing every decision that we
make on similar decisions we’ve made in the past and the consequent outcomes
that we’ve experienced.
If someone believes that their past equals their future, they’re going to expect
similar results in their future to what they’ve experienced in the past. If they’ve
experienced a lot of hurt or rejection in their past they are going to be less likely to
go on and pursue their dreams, take risks and do the things they really want to do.
As life coaches our goal is to help someone manage their internal processes and
help them to get out of the rut they’ve found themselves by shifting their
perspective off of the past and onto the future.
1) No Such Thing As a Bad Intention
Although some people will do some crazy things in life that we will never
understand, it’s important for us to understand as life coaches that there’s no such
thing as a bad intention. An individual will always make the best choice they can,
according to the information they have available to them at the time.
All our actions have at least one goal – to accomplish something that we value
and that will benefit us. An individual is not their behaviour. When a person
becomes aware that there’s a better choice of behaviour that will also achieve
their positive intention, they’ll take it.
It’s crucial that our number one goal is to protect the trust in the relationship with
our clients and in order to do this we must not jump to conclusions about what we
think their intentions are. We must instead take time to understand what their
intentions actually are.
Where does low self-esteem come from? (an excerpt from the Overcoming the Impossible Program)
As human beings, there are three forces that exist. These forces are sometimes the inner voices that battle one another. The Soul (our conscience), the ego (lower soul) and our body.
Our soul seeks to do what is right, the ego wants us to always be right and the body just wants everything to be easy or comfortable. For example, our body is what drives us to sleep late or overeat. Most acts of overindulgences comes from our body. This overindulgence is the body wanting us to do or not do something, merely because of how it feels.
Our ego drives us to what we would think “others” would like for us to be. When we are driven by our ego, we tend to make choices that that we believe project the right image. These choices are not good based on what is good but rather what makes us look good.
Finally, a soul choice involves doing what is right, regardless of what we feel like doing.
To summarize, the body wants to do what feels good, the ego what to do what looks good and the soul wants to do what is good.
To show an illustration of how these three forces will battle each other, imagine you are on a diet. You’re at the grocery store and have a sudden craving for chocolate. You try rationalizing to resist temptation but the thought of it begins to consume you. You even notice chocolate on every aisle. So you break weak, buy some chocolate and eat it. Your body feels good but your soul, and possibly even your ego, feels bad.
When we rise above the drive of our body, or ego, and demonstrate willpower we are exercising self-control. Only when we are able to choose responsibly, do we gain self-esteem. So to put it in equation form, the drive of our soul + self-control = self-esteem. When we can overcome our body’s drive to feel good, when that drive is against what our soul wants, we develop self-esteem. Self-control and self-esteem are intertwined. If we cannot control ourselves and we give in to immediate gratification or we live to promote and project a particular image, we wind up feeling bad. Sometimes we live out of the whims of our own out-of-control impulses and we are dependent on others to feed our self-image.
When we overeat or oversleep, we become angry with ourselves. When we do things for show, we feel empty inside. When we act in this manner, our actions eat away at our self-esteem because we did want our body wanted or what our ego wanted, instead of doing what our soul wanted.
Such a person is constantly angry or frustrated at life for coming up short (which will lead to limiting beliefs). This person’s expectations of themselves are never met and are never fulfilled. This person is not complete. Sometimes this person begins to feed on almost anything, a passing compliment, control, power and will always look for chances to impress someone else. He is consumed with what he lacks, what he is owed and what else he can do in order to find fulfillment, but is never satisfied. He is forever one thing away from happiness.
This person will sometime hear the limiting beliefs of “I don’t like myself” or “no one likes me”. When a person doesn’t feel good about themselves, they will continue to spiral downwards seeking temporary and often hollow means of gratification.
When we don’t know who we are or when we don’t like ourselves, we may punish ourselves in ways our body thinks of as pleasure, such as excessive eating (emotional eating), alcohol and even drug abuse.
We want to love ourselves but end up losing ourselves. Eventually, this person will lose any remaining self-respect he has for himself. When we lose our self-respect, no one can love us. And this is where depression comes into our lives.
So how do we combat this?
First start being self-aware. Pay attention to your thoughts. Every action beings from a mere thought. Start off demonstrating will power with the small things and mentally tell yourself, “Good job”. The times when your body wants to sleep late and hit the snooze, but you know your soul will feel bad, get up! Say to yourself, “Good Job!” If you continue to do this, the next time you are facing temptation of eating a chocolate bar, you will easily be able to overcome the body’s drive for gratification.
Every action has a consequence. We have to be able to determine which way of thinking feeds our three main forces. We have to develop self-awareness to determine how an action will make us feel afterwards. For example, “Am I doing __________ because it makes my body feel good?”, “How will I feel afterwards?”
Follow the soul’s drive. Do what makes your soul feel good. Reward yourself with positive thoughts and remind yourself constantly that you can do anything.